From Sojourner to Soldier
From NYC to BMT to POP!
The first 6 months of ‘23. Experiences, thoughts and revelations along the way.
NYC
I reached New York at 1000h on New Year’s Eve. This was a spontaneous trip, having received my posting orders (i.e. when I have to drop everything for national service) just 2 weeks before.
Over the next month, I was delighted to take a break from humid Singapore, to meet with friends, reflect, and spend time with family.
Here’s a small collection of things I did:
Travelled solo for the first time in my life
Wrapped up college apps
Met ~20 (new) friends in person (prior to that, I’ve only seen them online)
Visited Verci ~6x
Visited Philly and UPenn (had my first dining hall experience)
Shipped several ML projects
Dived deep into sports science and LLMs
Wrote ~5 essays in the air, and one on overtraining
Key Takeaways from NYC
Be Open to New Experiences
Being able to hold my own in major airports seemed daunting at first - I had to transit at Haneda International Airport, manage baggage and transits, etc.
But it wasn’t so bad. I realised that with sufficient rest, solitude in the air brings clarity of thought. I think I wrote my best college essays (more on that later) somewhere over the Pacific.
Be Comfortable Talking to Strangers
Taking the first step to walk up and initiate the conversation requires the highest activation energy. The returns, however, could be immense. I ventured out into downtown Manhattan on Jan 8th, thinking that I would see some familiar faces at Verci. I couldn’t be more wrong: I was the youngest there, and seemed awkwardly out of place.
If I hadn’t thrown myself into a conversation, I wouldn’t have realised how friendly everyone was (s/o to Nazra for the initial invite), and how great of a community Verci was.
It didn’t just apply to interactions for networking purposes - it could be solely for fun, too. My energy was plummeting on the way back from the US (writing this). Despite taking a shower and drinking multiple bottles of coffee, I was so ready to pass out on a bench (and perhaps miss my flight, you could blame the 7 hour layover).
And then I saw a random guy playing PUBG Mobile, and we proceeded to keep each other awake until our respective flights (turns out we were both on the same flight from JFK to Haneda, he was headed to Jakarta).
This short entry doesn’t do justice to the awesome friends I’ve made in New York and the fabulous time I’ve had there. Do feel free to reach out if you want to chat about any of my experiences!
A Transition
I came back from NYC on Feb 8th. It was my first time back in Singapore with zero student obligations, so I spent most of my time (from Feb 8th to March 29th) doing the following:
Diving into sports science and physiological responses in long distance running
Developing running web apps for beginners and amateurs (with Singapore’s ex top triathlete/ marathoner Mok Ying Ren)
Dabbling in LangChain and curating LLMs for production - ChatYourH2Economics, Chat-With-Coach
On the side, I was still meeting (and making!) friends, shoring up fitness in preparation for army, planning for my parents’ Switzerland trip (let me know if you want a detailed, 10-day itinerary), and spending time reading and reflecting.
This time passed way faster than I expected it to, but it was necessary for me to get mentally prepared for what was up ahead.
BMT
Basic Military Training, also known as BMT. It signals the start of a 2-year journey into army life for all Singaporean guys (here’s a nice song summing up the experience). Most of us get posted to one out of four schools in Pulau Tekong, an island off mainland Singapore to complete BMT.
It’s easy to describe what goes on in camp through documentaries, books, or even movies, but going through it is a transformative experience.
Sometimes I wonder how such life changing experiences can be scaled to thousands of recruits every year without hiccups.
There are several “high-key” events that take place in this 9-week period:
Basic Train-fire Package (BTP) - live firing, where scores are taken at the range
Field Camp (IFC) - a combination of both Close Quarter Battle (CQB, a 2 day 1 night camp) as well as Field Camp (a 5 day 4 night camp), where we leave the comforts of our bunks and stay in the wilderness
Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT) - a physical test consisting of 3 elements: pushups, situps, and a 1.5-mile (2.4km) run
Other interesting events that most recruits have to go through include route marches (distances building up from 4km to 24km) and live grenade throwing.
In the past 52 days, I’ve fired over 60 live rounds and 120 blanks, thrown 1x fragmentation grenade, 1x practice grenade, walked a cumulative 64km with a 19kg weight and ran about 500km in preparation for (and during!) BMT.
Routine-wise, we spend our weekdays in camp, and get to “book-out” (get out of camp) every weekend. Spent most my time during book-out developing web apps (mainly for use in camp!), working out, spending time with family, and sleeping.
Just some terminology to make the read below a little easier (esp. for friends overseas):
Section: 16 men whom you share a room with, 1st degree of interaction
Platoon: 4 sections, 64 men, 2nd degree of interaction
Company: 4 platoons, 256 men, 3rd degree of interaction
Sergeant: A commander who’s usually directly in charge of recruits
Encik: Malay for sir. Holds the rank of a warrant officer
Confinement: your book-outs are withheld / delayed (i.e. you can’t go out of camp on the weekends)
Conduct: Event that is carried out in the army
Key Takeaways from BMT
Sometimes, It’s Okay to Cede Control
A key aspect of being a conscript is that you have completely no agency in wherever you’ll end up in. I couldn’t choose who my buddy was, who my section-mates were, which platoon or company I was in. Vocation interests (basically what you indicated where you wanted to be before army) rarely matter.
You have no control over individuality. Who you were outside of army, however exceptional you thought you were in grades, extracurriculars, relationships, etc. plays little importance once you’re a recruit. You are identified by a “4D” number, not your name, because everyone looks the same with bald heads.
Ultimately, we all have to play the hand we’ve been dealt with. In my case, I was assigned to a strict platoon sergeant (a commander who’s in charge of my platoon) in my company who gave us innovative punishments. Having sectionmates who were unique brought their fair share of challenges, too.
Changing punishment positions (from pushups, to crunches, back to pushups) after a strength training session was memorable. Leopard crawling in sand with machine gun fire whizzing over my head was a highlight as well. (live rounds, by the way). It reminded everyone we were at the mercy of our commanders.
Questioning processes as a recruit will make you go crazy. When we have complete agency of our lives, it’s natural to question why we’re doing what we’re doing. It’s also easy to find ways to optimise our routines, manage our energy levels, and operate within our comfort zones.
But when you’re confronted with confinements and screaming sergeants, sometimes there isn’t much of a choice. Your free time (”admin time”, or whatever remains of it) is always subject to deduction. During my week as platoon in-charge, I was fuelled by adrenaline: on a constant state of lookout for the next message or instruction. During the day, rest was never peaceful.
And you’ll find a way to live with it. Initially stressful events like rushing to don on your uniform turns into friendly competition, punishments morph into muted mutual distaste (only to be released back in bunk, of course) and new mottos are formed. (For the record, “rush to wait, wait to rush” is my favourite.)
Suffering Informs and Moulds
Being stretched thin tests antifragility. Staying hard callouses the mind. Suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope.
Mental
College decisions were released just after I enlisted (on March 30th). It wasn’t surprising to be rejected from all 8 colleges that I applied to in the ‘22/’23 cycle. On Day 2 of my new army life, I recall excusing myself to use the washroom, running down the corridor to my bunk in excitement, only to scroll through multiple iterations of “We’re sorry to inform you that…”.
Being a Singaporean guy means that I’ll have the opportunity to reapply twice to college again. While I’m grateful for this opportunity, it also prompts me to reflect on two points: 1) the necessity of college and 2) the metrics of success that we define ourselves by at different stages of life.
I find the latter more interesting to think about: disappointment often comes from a mismatch of expectations and reality. I see some of my closest friends secure spots in top colleges and courses I wish I were in, and I know most of them will start school in August, while I slog my way through my next army posting (not known at the time of writing).
Having just gone to NYC a couple of months back and knowing the opportunities available and like-minded friends there made this reality all the more challenging.
Perhaps my definition of success beyond army would change.
Physical
I’m blessed to have come from a background of endurance running, so pure physical exertion wasn’t too bad. Being fitter also conditions your mind to push harder.
There were new physical annoyances, though. Such as not being able to wipe your face with sweat dripping down because there’s camouflage on (at the risk of smearing camo), or not being able to shower for 5 days.
The worst was doing declaration (where soldiers are checked for any expended/ unexpended ammo, laying out all items on the ground, with boots off) in the jungle when it rained. Everything got wet and sandy.
It’s during these periods of extreme annoyance, mental and physical fatigue that the suffering that you’re going through shows us the selfishness of our human condition.
Sometimes, it could bring about new revelations too.
I realised at the end of the 24km route march that I’m not a nice guy to be around when I’m on no sleep. Consequently, when sources of tangible physical comfort are far away, we turn to the first thing that we can think of to bring us joy.
It’s also during those periods that you find the friends that you can count on.
I’m glad to have 2 guys in my section like this. YL and KX would always crack jokes and lighten the mood with their endless optimism and easygoing demeanours; I’ll definitely miss them as we go our separate ways.
Cling Onto Hope
Irrational thoughts definitely crossed my mind. While safety regulations are in place, there was technically nothing stopping a recruit in the next lane to aim his sights down mine. Or what if I loosened my grip on the grenade during the live throw?
Not knowing what to expect and living in uncertainty, perhaps even fear, of what was to come was a norm for me in BMT. I’ve found that mental visualisation (pre-race, in my cross country days) helped mitigate stress and readied my body to the physical demands and pain of what was to come.
But exposure to something completely new (a matter of life and death, or extreme discomfort) was sometimes terrifying. After all, army is the place where accidents happen. One of the enciks recounted a story in which he almost drowned during a river crossing.
I remember lying on my bunk floor, just praying that whatever conduct that I feared would go by alright. Somehow, the notion that thousands of recruits that have gone before me and came out just fine did little to alleviate these fears.
What was my only hope in life and death?
In the end, I made it out fine.
Other Musings
Sit back and observe. There is much to be learnt about people’s character.
When you’re staying with other recruits on the same floor for 2 months, their intentions are hard to miss.
Some try their best to increase their chances of getting into command school by, you know, pleasing commanders. Others simply want to get by the 2 months with the least amount of effort. Others somehow derive joy by being terribly egoistic, demeaning people who were slower to adapt to the army lifestyle. Some stood up for what’s right, while most couldn’t be bothered.
Your performance as a soldier can be an indicator of your upbringing at home.
It’s easy to discern who comes from a privileged background, and who doesn’t.
It’s interesting to find out what makes some recruits fulfilled.
For some, it’s assurance of wealth beyond army. For others, it might be their love life. And for others, it might be their weekend escapades.
POP!
Passing Out Parade, also known as the end of BMT. This happened on the 3rd of June, and it marks the beginning of the rest of my journey in NS.
I’ll have a week break before diving back to army life. It’ll be a long road ahead, but I’ll take it one step at a time.
There are always more stories to be shared and tales to be told - do reach out if you want to find out more!
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